How to do affirmations with kids
Affirmations work best with children when they feel like a game or a ritual, not a lesson. A few things that help:
- Keep it to two or three lines. Young children remember short sentences they hear often. Use the same ones for a week before you change them.
- Pick a regular moment. Breakfast, the walk or drive to school, bath time and bedtime all work. The same time each day turns it into a ritual.
- Say them together. Take turns, use silly voices, whisper them, or say them with a big stretch. For children who can’t read yet, draw a little picture for each line.
- Let your child choose. Kids are more likely to use a line they picked. Older children can write their own on a sticky note for the mirror or their lunchbox.
- Say yours out loud too. If they hear you say “I can try again” after you burn the toast, the line becomes something real people use.
- Use them before and after a meltdown, not during. A child in the middle of a big feeling can’t take in words. Practice the calming lines when things are calm, then offer one gently once the storm has passed.
- Never force it. If your child rolls their eyes, change the line or the moment. A line they find embarrassing won’t help.
Try using their name
You can also say affirmations with your child’s name: “Maya can do hard things.” There’s some evidence that this kind of outside view helps young children keep going. In one study, 4- and 6-year-olds were asked to do a boring task for ten minutes, with the option to take breaks and play a very tempting video game. Children who pretended to be a hard-working character such as Batman worked the longest, followed by children who thought about themselves in the third person (White et al., 2017). For a child who loves superheroes, “What would a brave helper do?” can be a fun way in.
Words of affirmation for kids: what to say, and what to skip
Words of affirmation for kids are the encouraging things grown-ups say to them, and how you say them matters.
- Praise effort and strategy, not cleverness. In a classic set of studies, fifth graders who were praised for being smart, rather than for their effort, enjoyed a task less, kept at it for less time and did worse after a setback (Mueller & Dweck, 1998). “You tried a different way when the first one didn’t work” beats “You’re so smart.”
- Keep praise real. Over-the-top praise can backfire. In one experiment, inflated praise such as “You made an incredibly beautiful drawing!” made children with low self-esteem less likely to take on a challenge afterward (Brummelman et al., 2014). Specific, honest words (“I like the colors you chose for the sky”) are easier for a child to believe, which is the same idea behind believable affirmations.
- Make love unconditional, and say it out loud. Say “I love you” at ordinary moments, not only after a good report or a goal, so your child knows it doesn’t depend on how they did.
- Leave looks out of it. Notice what your child does, thinks and tries, rather than how they look. None of the lines on this page are about appearance.
Affirmations in the classroom
Teachers can use the same lines at the start of the day or before a test. Write one on the board as the class affirmation for the week, say it together at morning meeting, or keep a jar of lines children can pick from. Let anyone pass who doesn’t want to speak; shy children can join in by listening. Older children can write a kind line for a classmate, which builds kindness as well as confidence.
Affirmations by age
- Ages 3 to 5: Three or four words, lots of repetition, and actions, like “I can be brave” with a superhero pose.
- Ages 6 to 8: Short sentences they can read themselves. Let them pick a “line of the week” for the fridge.
- Ages 9 to 10: Simple lines can start to feel babyish. Ask them to write their own about real things: a spelling test, a team tryout, a falling-out with a friend. For older kids, try affirmations for teens or affirmations for students.
When a child needs more than affirmations
Affirmations are a kind habit, not a replacement for care. If your child seems worried or sad most days, or it’s getting in the way of school, sleep, eating or friendships, talk to their pediatrician or school counselor. If you’re struggling or thinking about harming yourself, you can call or text 988 in the US (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), or find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. The 988 Lifeline also supports people who are worried about someone else.