Positive self-talk is the encouraging, useful things you say to yourself, out loud or in your head, especially when something is hard. It isn’t pretending everything is fine. Research suggests it works best when it’s believable and specific and sounds like a good coach: short instructions, honest encouragement, and sometimes your own name instead of “I.”
What is positive self-talk?
Everyone talks to themselves. You might narrate a recipe, rehearse an awkward conversation, or mutter “come on” at a jar that won’t open. (If you’ve ever wondered whether that’s normal, it is.) Self-talk is simply that inner commentary, and it can pull you forward or drag you down.
Positive self-talk is commentary that helps. Sport psychologists, who have studied it most, usually split it into two kinds (Hatzigeorgiadis et al., 2011):
- Instructional self-talk tells you what to do: “eyes on the ball,” “slow down,” “one sentence at a time.”
- Motivational self-talk boosts effort and confidence: “keep going,” “you’ve trained for this.”
What positive self-talk is not:
- Not denial. “This is hard, and I can do the next part” is positive self-talk. “This is easy, I love it” when it isn’t is just a script your brain won’t buy.
- Not grand claims. Lines like “I am unstoppable” tend to ring hollow at exactly the moments you need help.
- Not a ban on bad feelings. You can be worried and still talk to yourself kindly.
What the research shows
It improves performance, especially on skills you’re still learning
The clearest evidence comes from sport. A meta-analysis that pooled 32 studies found that self-talk interventions improved performance with a moderate effect overall. The benefits were larger for tasks that need precision (like a golf putt) than for tasks built on big, whole-body movements, and larger for new skills than for well-practiced ones. Instructional self-talk was especially useful for precise tasks, and interventions that included practice in self-talk worked better than those that didn’t (Hatzigeorgiadis et al., 2011).
A separate systematic review of 47 studies agreed that positive, instructional and motivational self-talk all helped performance. It also found two surprises: negative self-talk didn’t impede performance in the studies reviewed, and the evidence for matching instructional or motivational self-talk to particular tasks was inconsistent (Tod, Hardy & Oliver, 2011). That’s worth knowing. An occasional “come on, that was terrible” is not a disaster. The bigger opportunity is adding helpful talk, not policing every negative word.
Motivational self-talk can help with endurance too. In one small experiment, people who practiced motivational self-talk for two weeks cycled for longer before exhaustion and rated the effort as easier partway through, while a control group didn’t change (Blanchfield et al., 2014).
Under stress, how you talk to yourself matters
The words you use to refer to yourself make a difference. Across seven studies with 585 people, those who reflected on a stressful situation using their own name or “you,” rather than “I,” felt less distressed, saw upcoming stress more as a challenge than a threat, and performed better at making first impressions and giving a speech, as judged by observers (Kross et al., 2014). Researchers call this distanced self-talk. It gives you a little of the perspective you’d have if you were advising a friend.
Brain recordings suggest it works quickly and without much effort. Talking to yourself in the third person reduced a brain-wave marker of emotional reaction to upsetting images within the first second, without increasing brain markers of effortful self-control (Moser et al., 2017).
Talking to yourself as “you” may help with follow-through as well. In a set of experiments, people who gave themselves advice or encouragement using “you” solved more word puzzles, and reported stronger intentions to work on puzzles and to exercise, than people who used “I” (Dolcos & Albarracín, 2014).
When “positive” goes too far
Not all positive statements help. In a well-known study, people who repeated “I’m a lovable person” felt better if they had high self-esteem, but people with low self-esteem felt worse than those who didn’t repeat it (Wood, Perunovic & Lee, 2009). A line that’s far from what you believe can remind you of everything that seems to contradict it.
Kindness tends to work better than cheerleading after a setback. In four experiments, people encouraged to treat a failure or weakness with self-compassion were more motivated to improve than people encouraged to boost their self-esteem. After failing a first test, for example, they spent longer studying before a second one (Breines & Chen, 2012).
How to make your self-talk work
- Make it believable. If a line makes you wince, turn it down. “I’m learning to handle this” beats “I’m great at this.”
- Give instructions when you need skill. For anything precise, tell yourself what to do: “Breathe out. Slow hands.”
- Use your name, or “you.” “Okay, Maya, you’ve done harder things. What’s first?” creates a little helpful distance.
- Coach, don’t criticize. Ask: would I say this to a friend who was trying?
- Keep it short. A few words you can grab in the moment beat a paragraph you can’t remember.
- Practice before you need it. In the studies, self-talk worked better when people were trained in it. Pick your lines ahead of time and rehearse them.
If your inner voice is mostly harsh, our guide to stopping negative self-talk is a good place to start. And if that voice ever turns to hopelessness, please reach out. Self-talk is a useful habit, not a replacement for care. If you’re struggling or thinking about harming yourself, you can call or text 988 in the US (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), or find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com.
30 positive self-talk examples
Each example pairs a common unhelpful thought with a more useful version. The useful versions don’t deny the problem. They make it smaller, clearer, or kinder.
At work
- Instead of “I’m going to embarrass myself in this meeting,” try “I’ve prepared. Say the first point slowly and the rest will follow.”
- Instead of “I’m so behind, I’ll never catch up,” try “Pick the one task that matters most. Start there.”
- Instead of “My boss thinks I’m useless,” try “I don’t know what she thinks. I do know what I can fix this afternoon.”
- Instead of “I can’t ask for help, they’ll think I’m stupid,” try “Asking now saves everyone time later.”
- Instead of “Everyone here is smarter than me,” try “I was hired for a reason, and I can learn the rest.”
- Instead of “I hate presenting,” try “You don’t have to love it, Sam. You just have to start with slide one.”
Studying and school
- Instead of “I’m bad at math,” try “I’m not good at this yet. What’s the first step of the problem?”
- Instead of “I’m going to fail this exam,” try “I can’t control the questions. I can control the next hour of studying.”
- Instead of “I’ve wasted the whole day,” try “The day isn’t over. Twenty focused minutes still count.”
- Instead of “I don’t understand any of this,” try “Which part do I understand? I’ll start from there.”
- Instead of “My mind has gone blank,” try “Breathe out. Skip it, answer what I know, and come back.”
Before something that scares you
- Instead of “I can’t do this,” try “I’m nervous because this matters. I can be nervous and still do it.”
- Instead of “What if it goes wrong?” try “If it goes wrong, I’ll deal with that then. Right now I just need to begin.”
- Instead of “I’m shaking, I’m going to blow it,” try “This is my body getting ready. I can use the energy.”
- Instead of “Everyone will be staring at me,” try “People are probably less focused on me than it feels. Find one friendly face.”
- Instead of “I’m not ready,” try “I don’t have to feel ready. I have to take the first step.”
After a mistake
- Instead of “I’m such an idiot,” try “That was a mistake, not a verdict on me. What do I need to fix?”
- Instead of “I always ruin everything,” try “This one went wrong. Plenty of things have gone right. What can I do now?”
- Instead of “I can’t believe I said that,” try “I can apologize, and then I can let it go.”
- Instead of “I should have known better,” try “I know more now than I did then. That’s how learning works.”
- Instead of “I’ll never get this right,” try “Not yet. What would I tell a friend who was trying this?”
On hard days
- Instead of “I can’t cope with this,” try “I’ve got through hard days before. I only need to get through the next hour.”
- Instead of “Nobody cares,” try “I feel alone right now. I can text one person.”
- Instead of “I’m so lazy,” try “I’m tired. Rest is allowed, and I can do one small thing after.”
- Instead of “Everything is falling apart,” try “A lot is hard right now. What’s actually in front of me today?”
- Instead of “I should be further along by now,” try “I’m on my own timeline. Today I can take one step.”
Exercise and effort
- Instead of “I can’t do another step,” try “Keep going to the next corner. Then decide.”
- Instead of “I’m so slow,” try “Slow is still moving. Steady breaths.”
- Instead of “I missed a week, so what’s the point,” try “One missed week doesn’t erase the work. Start again today, small.”
- Instead of “Everyone here is fitter than me,” try “I’m here for me. Focus on my breathing and my form.”
Pick the three or four that fit your life, change the words until they sound like you, and say them at the moment you need them. Hearing your own lines read back on repeat is what MindLoops is built for, but a sticky note or a phone reminder works too.
The short version
- Positive self-talk is encouraging, useful inner speech, not denial or grand claims.
- It helps performance in sport, with a moderate effect overall, especially for precise and newly learned skills, and training in it helps more than winging it.
- Talking to yourself as “you” or by name helps people stay steadier under stress and perform better.
- Lines you don’t believe can backfire, so keep them honest, specific and kind.